Resistance seems like an overbearing force in our lives
We want to achieve a lot, but as soon as we get started, resistance kicks in. But did you know there are ways around resistance?
Resistance loves a loner. If you're working alone, you're just setting yourself for an encounter with resistance. Resistance loves to play the game of winner. We need to put resistance in second place. Here's how to go about the task of winning the game.
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Resistance loves a loner
Because loners have limited energy.
They start out on a project, all excited about what's about to unfold. Then, for some reason or the other, they lose their way. And that's when resistance gangs up on the loner big time. It's not much of a fight.
The loner is already exhausted. One tiny tap on the head from resistance, and the loner falls into a heap on the floor. But this miserably one-sided bout could be avoided with the understanding of group work.
In Africa there's a saying:
If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go with a group. And resistance detests groups. And there are several reasons why a group helps you get a project done with far more efficiency and a lower failure rate.
So how do groups help?
1) Release of Pressure
2) Exponential Learning
3) Support
1) Release of Pressure
The toughest part of a project is dealing with the pressure. And a release of that pressure is needed to give you a breather. When you rant and rave alone, it's kinda depressing. When you're suffering alone, you think it's something to do with your talent, or your genes, or that you're a loser (yes, everyone feels super-lousy often enough).
And having someone to just listen to your rant is amazing therapy. You rant, you've been heard and now it's time to get back to work, because you have a ton of mistakes to make, and learning to look forward to.
2) Exponential learning
Mistake making is frowned in our society. We love to get things right the first time. And yet all of us know that it's impossible to learn without making a ton of mistakes on any project, no matter how familiar we are with the project. The problem is that mistake-making, instructive as it is, is also terribly depressing.
When you're going round in concentric circles, your exhaustion builds up rapidly. However when you're in a group, you learn from someone else's mistakes, thus getting a bit of respite from the exhaustion factor.
When a group shares its learning and mistakes, everyone learns and everyone gets a little samba in their steps because you're not just learning, but it's exponential learning. You're learning from four-five mistakes every day, and guess what? Most of those mistakes aren't yours.
3) The third factor is just one of support
While resistance can take on a loner, it's a lot harder to take on a group. If someone falls, there's usually someone to pick you up. If someone is struggling, there's someone to help. If someone has questions, there are answers that help you move along.
Working by yourself, you not only miss the ongoing support, but the struggle wears you out. And inevitably you give up.
Now this kind of group support doesn't necessarily work for all kinds of projects
Sometimes the project is just to clean your desk. You could do with ranting and group support, but it's an overkill. Besides it probably takes under an hour to get even the messiest desk tidy.
But if this seemingly mundane desk has to go on over a longer period of say, six to eight months, then you definitely need the power of the group.
In fact at Psychotactics, groups form a critical part of the project experience
If we take just the Copywriting Course for instance, the three months of learning and implementation are physically exhausting. If you were to try and replicate the same pace by yourself, you'd give up in a week or less.
But with a group, 75-80% make it to the finish line. When you consider the sheer intensity of the Copywriting Course, you should have the figures the other way around (namely 75% should fail to make it to the end). And yet it's the group that helps you through.
But how do you work with projects where the group doesn't have a common goal?
Admittedly it's harder to pull off a project where everyone is headed in different directions. When the African saying suggested you go a lot further with a group, they were indeed suggesting the group had a common goal.
And if everyone in the group isn't headed towards the same deadline, or using similar tools etc., then they have nothing in common. Then it's relatively easier for the group to be counterproductive, as no one is learning from group-mistakes, and everyone has their own agenda.
It's important for the group to set out a common agenda and at least have some common guidelines. So even if you have ten different writers, writing ten different types of books, they should ‘meet' online every day and post their learning for the day, as well as a minimum of 800 words.
If they're a group working on a gardening project, there needs to be the shared learning, the shared support moments, and shared implementation.
But don't you need the right group for things to work?
Yes, having the right group is important. But how do you choose the right group? Groups need to be chosen primarily on the basis of attitude. Which is why for instance, at Psychotactics, we call our courses the World's Toughest Courses. This weeds out the excuse-makers and ensures that you get the cream of the attitude crop.
And just as you get a great group, you can also get a lousy group. Then whining, whingeing and depression will be constant, and progress will be impossible. So just having a group isn't enough.
You need to put in some filters to ensure that at least 75% (or more) of your group will make it to the finish line. And it's a bit of work putting a group together, but hey it's a lot less work than starting endless projects only to see them go up in flames.
Resistance likes fires
All this namby-pamby, touchy-feely stuff makes resistance look really bad. If prefers the loner. And most projects are done by loners. And resistance is happy. Now it can wield it's little finger and push you over.
And resistance laughs and walks away contentedly.
Oh and before I go
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I was raised with a strong sense of community and carried it with my into adulthood by forming an improv. group, creating a non-profit organization for inner city urban elementary school children, as well as some other urban-suburban projects. Of course, my family was a community as well.
But as I immersed myself in the world of gardening, I started living a more solitary life….without even knowing it. I just slipped into it.
It was when I realized that I was spiritually starving that I decided to seek out a spiritual learning experience and group where I could be authentic, learn, and help create a community.
Attending seminary at OneSpiritInterfaith.com in NYC for 2 years once again made me realize how critical community is to my sense of well being. Although I graduated 2 years ago, this group is still ‘my family’.
So yes, I concur with your post today. Even when it’s a ‘loose’ community, such as the rowing club where I belong, there still is a sense of home, learning from others, and support (especially after I flip over ) from the members. Fran
That’s a great story, Fran. Thanks.
The power of group energy can only be experienced, not explained. After my experiences with two mastermind groups, I will always belong to one.
My first mastermind group emerged from a course in health coaching. We graduated just after the economy took a nose dive and looked at what we could realistically do. Our solution was to create a coaching program for people going through economic grief after experiencing the death of their lifestyle. The six of us ended up writing a book together (virtually) and self publishing it: Emotional Stimulus Package: Your Guide to Re-creating the American Dream.
My current mastermind group emerged from Teaching Sells, a course in creating online membership sites. We have created an online membership site for — wait for it — mastermind groups! Frustrated by the lack of convenient, robust tools to maintain our group, we created our own environment at MeetMasterMinds.com. It’s a concept none of us would have attempted on our own, but as a group it quickly grew legs and took off.
I believe we’re hard-wired to create community and work together. It continues to amaze me what a group with the same focus can achieve.
Marsha
Yes, groups do take you a long distance. Good on you for starting up a group by yourselves. Let me know how it goes 🙂
Thanks for this brilliant story 🙂
You’re welcome, Rochelle 🙂
I used to do inline speed skating. Practicing with friends, we’d skate in a line to reduce wind resistance.
When I first started I’d quite frequently get left behind because a gap would open up between me and the person in front of me. Then the wind would catch me and I’d have to skate hard to catch back up. Then once I’d caught up, I’d have a few moments respite and then the same thing would happen again.
Eventually I’d get too tired. I’d finish my training alone.
To solve the problem I started to focus watching the leader of the pack instead of just the person in front of me. Whenever the leader speeded up (or slowed down) i’d see it and be able to watch the change as it rippled through the pack. I was ready for the change when it got to me. In this way I was able to stay with the group and enjoy the benefits of staying with the group.
I think that is the advantage of having a clear idea and/or a clear leader in any group. If you have a leader he or she shares the idea in such a way that everyone can follow or makes the idea obvious in such a way that everyone can follow. If your group doesn’t have a leader then you need to decide on the clear idea so that everyone can follow it. Then everyone else can act on their own and in their own way while helping the group act as one.
Why did we skate in a group? So that those behind the leader could rest. We’d take turns taking the lead and get to the finish line either fresher or faster than someone skating alone. (Assuming that someone skating alone was at the same level of skating ability.)
The same idea can apply when leading the parts of your body. If you have a clear idea of what you are doing in a yoga pose, or while running, you can help the parts of your body work together in a coordinated fashion so that you can work towards what you are doing with greater efficiency.
That’s an outstanding story, Neil. Glad you could share it with us.
Neil’s story about groups reminds me of formation flying of geese. They’ve been doing it well before we figured that out.
I’d like to say that Resistance isn’t just about being exhaustion but also about fighting your inner demons. Steven Pressfield best describes this with his three books: Turning Pro, The War of Art and Do the Work. Can’t recommend it highly enough. I read them often to fight my inner demons.